Lets STOP making New Years Resolutions

Straight off the bat of eating your body weight in Christmas ham and drinking through hours of family times we are flung into the ‘What’s your New Years resolution’ chat. Lets look at this realistically, it is THE WORST time to make plans for the year. First of all, you’re tired, you’re really really tired having just spent an entire year doing all of the things. Mid way through your glorious 7 – 10 days of freedom people demand that you start thinking about what you’re doing next year by specifically isolating all the things you didn’t do this year, or the things you regret doing and should probs look to change them in this upcoming year. Basically, it’s like- reflect on the reasons you’re shit and make unrealistic goals as to how to fix the shitness next year and then in one year lets meet here again to talk about how you failed in doing that.

Secondly, you have literally JUST had to endure your family, extended family, extended families family pick apart your life over Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I am convinced the Boxing Day sales exist so families have an excuse to get out of the damn house!! In my opinion, a family can really only deal with each other for one full day before it gets too much. Perhaps you’ve just become a vegetarian and your entire way of life is scuntinized over the carving up of the leg of lamb, or maybe you got the shitty end of the Kris Kringle stick this year and your third cousin re-gifted you a box of Cadbury chocolates (consisting primarily of partially melted orange creams) or maybe you’ve hit the age where you realise that your family is an iceberg, under the surface is a deep, threatening, never ending shard of passive aggression that could sink a boat at ANY time if you’re not paying attention.

My point is, it is a sensitive time and lots of shit is closed and you can’t escape. It’s not the best frame of mind to start making plans for the new year. In this period of my slow descent toward alcoholism my resolutions would look something like this:

Aunt Sally: Whats your New Years resolution?
Me: It’d probably be save money all year so I can be overseas and nowhere near any of you next christmas

Uncle Bob: Whats your New Years resolution?
Me: Get a prescription for valium. One for me and then use the rest to spike your drink.

Uncle Bob’s Fourth Wife: Whats your New Years resolution?
Me: Get better at lying about my shitty life that is sans babies, sans house and sans ring.

Jan the third Cousin: Whats your New Years resolution?
Me: To not harm you with my mind

Person you can’t remember how your are related: Whats your New Years resolution?
Me: Buy a winery

Younger cousin who hasn’t got off their iPad since arriving: Whats your New Years resolution?
Me: Go to family counselling

Look, its dark, it’s a dark time. But here is what I offer as a solution, instead of a pressure to think of an over achieving way to improve your life, why not ask “what was your favourite memory this year?” This way we get to recount our memories and experiences and reminisce on what a good year it actually has been. What are you grateful for? Who are you grateful for? Take this energy into the new year. Lets stop saying things like ‘go to the gym’ and ‘start that diet’ let’s instead be thankful for that red dress you bought that makes your boobs look amazing, or remember that degustation you had with your two mates and you got that great selfie with the hot waiter who looked like a cross between Jared Leto and that guy you banged from The Dolphin Hotel. So in 2018 love your self more and invest time into the people who gave you a great 2017.

I raise a glass of sparkling to you, 2017. Thank you for the lessons, for the friendship, for the break ups, for the make ups, for every drop of delicious wine and every bite of food I shouldn’t of had but still did and it was fucking delicious, for every movie, every episode that kept playing on Netflix when I should of gone to bed, every hug, every kiss, every purchase from ASOS. You were kick arse and I will send you off dancing till I need to walk home with my shoes clutched proudly in my hand!